Self-Reflection

I had an interesting conversation the other day. An acquaintance of mine from some years ago happened to contact me out of the blue and we spoke for awhile and caught up. This made me realize that sometimes when you answer somebody's questions it really challenges how much you actually know about yourself... about your identity. So, I had a moment of self-reflection. Not to say that I don't self-reflect anyway, I probably do so more often than I'd like... but this occasion kind of brought me back in a time machine. Years have gone by, I am older now, in my mid-twenties. I navigated through the treacherous rapids of the late-teens and early-twenties and safely found calmer waters, albeit with a few holes in my sails. Without losing my core being, my personality and character, I went through some great changes. Some were more than awful, and thankfully short-lived, others have been magnificent but perhaps strange for people to understand or accept... a perfect example being my trod in Rastafari. Certainly I am not the same man I was 5 years ago or so. In fact, I truly believe now that although I referred to myself as a "man" then, I was most definitely a boy. I can say with confidence that in another 5 years when I look back to this time, finding a "lost boy" wouldn't be the case. Lessons of life have seasoned me: spiritual awareness and maturity, confidence and purpose, the experience of relationships lost and found, better decision making skills... and clinically speaking, a fully developed frontal lobe of the brain (I teach psychology and some clinical terminology rubbed off on me). I'll confess I am "lightly seasoned" as it were, I still have countless defining moments and experiences ahead of me, but I know who I am and who I am not. While conversing with this person from my past, I became aware of how difficult it was to admit certain things to myself. Once in my life I tasted the result of my own folly, and then like the prodigal son, I came back to my Father's house as a humble and remorseful man. Experience taught me wisdom, but it was an avoidable experience. My previous lifestyle of "living on the edge" was not born out of necessity, but from poor choices. Yet at the same time I know that without that detour, I would have never become who I am now. If I wasn't who I am now, then who would I be? Well it is impossible to answer... and rather pointless. My faith in JAH reassures me that everything happens for a reason, and even my former vagabond ways were indeed necessary for my personal growth. My acquaintance was surprised by some of the things I briefly mentioned, I had never given an impression or indication of these things during the time he knew me, and truthfully I was and still am an affable guy who tends to get along with most people. So any given person's perspective of me may not be the entire one or the correct one. I think this holds true today, even from my very own perspective. Consequently, during the conversation I zoomed out from my ordinary field of vision, just to check myself. What did I discover? Well, I saw where my journey had led me through... a winding snake of a path with barely any trace of sensible direction. But on closer examination, more and more it looked like it became a progressive route. My focus now is on the straight and narrow, yet I am open to change and growth in my character and outlook. There are many small uncharted paths along life's highway, scenic ways that are worth checking out, as long as I remember where my final destination is... and I'll know it when I get there, because I've seen it in a vision in the Valley of Decision. I&I must give thanks. I know that I am a good man, a good person, with much to share with humanity in this short lifetime of mine. Although I myself may find my former and future journeys strange and inexplicable, I know that I am a SoulJAH on a mission and I won't stop moving until my work is done.

How about you? Take time to know yourself and identify who you are!... and never ever judge your fellow man. Guidance everytime!

JAHsh