Of My Family

Much of life can be taken for granted. I suppose that it is part of some survival mechanism within us to make sure that we don’t freeze-up and over think what is going on around us. It doesn’t take a whole lot of actual thinking to go about your normal life. In fact, I would say that many people do not think at all... or at least in the way that I believe is true awareness. This true awareness comes to some more often than others, yet nobody I’ve know is constantly aware 100% of the time, no matter their exposure or experience. It is easy to take for granted having somewhere to live and sleep, something to wear, something to eat. It is easy to take your health and safety for granted. It is so easy to take your family for granted... family is the foundation to our very lives. H.I.M. Haile Selassie I once said, “when a solid foundation is laid, if the mason is able and his materials good, a strong house can be built.”

There are all kinds of families with all kinds of people in them. I have been so blessed to have a family that loves me and supports me. I really came to reflect upon this during the holiday season that just recently passed. It was the first time in some years that all of us were together again at the same time, my parents, my brothers, and myself. I felt like a youth again, enjoying the company of everyone and feeling good about life. It was the feeling that all too often got tucked away in my daily life, but when I took the time to meditate on it, it was overwhelmingly strong. As His Majesty would have put it, I grew up in a strong house.

My parents have always been there for me, even throughout the ordeals I put them through or the foolish choices that I have made. They have patiently watched me grow, and endured some of the unexpected twists and turns that my own journey has taken, perhaps far from their imagined outcome for me. They also have encouraged me when I have done well and achieved some success in life, being supportive. Finally, they have been there when I suffered, whether it was from physical injury or heartbreak. I’d like to think that all people have parents like this, but I know that when compared to so many, I am very fortunate. When I was growing up, all of us would sit down to a meal together every evening, even though my parents worked hard all day. We always had plenty to eat, we always had the comforts of a home. We always had what we needed, and more often than not we had what we wanted. I can’t imagine life without them, I can’t imagine not seeing them, not visiting with them and eating together, not sharing words, or thoughts, or time with them. No matter how old I become, I will always be their son, I will always be indebted to them for the love and comfort they have given me throughout my life. I hope that someday when I start my own family and become a parent, that I can share the same with my own children.

My younger brothers and I were best friends growing up. We all had our own friends of course, but at the end of the day all you had was each other. Being together during these past holidays, we could each recall the little things we enjoyed and had in common, or the different things that we would do when we were younger... things that nobody else would find any interest in at all. Although I am the oldest, they have taught me a lot in their own right. One has recently returned from the Peace Corps after two years of service, the other is working hard and being a progressive person. Both of them in their mid-twenties, I can remember when my 4 or 6 years of seniority used to give me some real or imagined pre-eminence. Now, we are all within the same life-stage, sharing some of the same experiences and the same aspirations. Our journeys thus far have shaped us into three different people as we’ve grown and branched out, but our roots are all intertwined. As with my parents, I can’t imagine what I would do without them. Since we’ve all grown up, we don’t see each other as often, but I always know that they’re there and that love is shared.

Along with my immediate family, I think of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, all of whom are loving and kind people. I only have one grandparent left, my paternal grandmother, but I was lucky to know every one of them and share special times with each of them. Grandparents are a special force in your life, and I remember how much I loved them all, and of course I still love my Grandma. For my grandparents that lived close to me, they were like my second-set of parents; I learned life from a different perspective and from generations apart from my own. When they passed on, I can remember the grief I felt, and seeing the grief of my parents, always the strong pillars of my youth. One cannot replace family. Yet I know that they live on in our hearts and our minds. The loss of loved ones is something we all must inevitably face, and I suppose that sometimes it is the elderly members of our family that prepare us for that. I also think of the rest of my extended family as a way to learn socialization. For instance, I rarely see many of my cousins and we are often very far apart in terms of tastes and understandings, but they are family still, and you learn to appreciate them and overcome differences of opinion or lifestyle.

I think also of those that you make family. I have some special friends that I would consider my brothers and sisters, and fatherly or motherly mentors. These people are just as important to me as my own blood relations, because you share a special bond with them forged through individual experience. Friends come and go, but like Proverbs 18:24 says, “...there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” I am very thankful for this family of mine as well the one I was born into and I love them both. I have learned so much from this adopted family of mine. We might have different native cultures, different skin colors, different traditions, but through all of that we have become tethered to each other in a very mystical way. For some who may come from a shattered family, or those who may have never known their family, this family-of-choice may be the only one that they have. Indeed, an adopted family is family.

Finally, there is the human family... universal and all-encompassing. These thoughts about my own family have been on my mind for a few weeks, but by the time I began to write them down, a terrible tragedy has happened in Haiti. I cannot but help to be fully conscious of that in my reasoning here. No matter where we come from, what we look like, what language we speak, what religion we practice, we are all one human family, one blood. When I see and hear of the suffering happening to the Haitian people after the earthquake, my heart breaks and my soul cries. Loved ones dead and missing... the bodies of parents, children, friends... strewn about on the streets of Port-au-Prince. Possibly losing everyone you know and love, all at once... an entire nation in the depths of destruction. I cannot fathom it. I remember when my brother was living in New Orleans and attending school there when Hurricane Katrina hit. How worried my family and I were, how it pained my parents especially. Feeling that uncertainty, and looking now at this disaster strikes the core of my being.

When you see this suffering in Haiti, as a human-being, I feel one is compelled to reach out, to save one another, to love one another. I think there is uniqueness to this human family of ours, one that distinguishes us from the rest of God’s creatures... our empathy, or common humanity. The power that we have when we exhibit love, the power that can build a strong immediate family and extended family, is the same power to build our human family. How good and how pleasant it would be to see us live together as one. To love one another, to take care of one another, to learn from one another. Unfortunately it takes tragedy to bring us together (as is often the case in our own families) and usually when the storm calms, people tend to forget the suffering (again, as in our families). I pray that we take time to remember not only the Haitians, but all of our fellow humans suffering at this very moment. Most of all we must put some love into action, because real love is an active and lively love. A father or mother telling their child that they love them does not compensate for their actions and the showing of love. This holds true for humanity.

Family... it is the special bond that unites us. The intimacy of our own parents, wives, husbands, brothers, sisters, and children prepares us to love everyone. The family is our first schoolroom, and hopefully it is a place where we can fondly remember the lessons of life that we can further build upon. It offers a time of joy, of learning, of comfort, and sometimes pain. I know this was the case for me, but I know that it is not the case for others. Many have not had this “solid foundation” in their families for whatever reason. I also know that my family and all that I have could be gone in an instant. So I am eternally grateful to the Almighty for giving me such a family, on every level, and I dare not take it for granted. Being mindful of the blessings that I have received, I hope that one day I can use the same solid foundation to build my own house and extend that very same love I have experienced to my own children and their children... passing forward the legacy I've inherited since the time of creation. Thank you to my Mom and Dad, my brothers, my grandparents, all my relatives, my friends... and every man and woman on this earth. I love all of you.

Guidance,
JAHsh